nostalgia at 2am

I have just been seen off at the pub, and cycled home, glad of the gibbous moon.

Many friends were gathered, hugs exchanged; I'll see them (you) all tomorrow anyway but it still feels really huge. I must be stupid - but I'm going to learn so much about my fears and limits and desires... and derailleurs and brakes and tyre pressure...

I may even have to learn to swallow my pride and ask for help from time to time, since i don't know the first thing about bike mending or maintenance- despite the weekly opportunity to attend the Dyfi Valley Bike Club, where many of my friends gather and share their knowledge and enthusiasm on those amazing machines.

I regret missing these groups, there always seemed to be something else more important, but I should have made it to at least one!

Just assembling my new companion, not even from scratch, amazed me- every part has an obvious purpose, it's so smooth and efficient in design. It looks so fancy without having any unneccesary frills. It's a good look, for a bike.

I was talking to Tobi earlier, about this, and he wondered aloud how many individual 'bits' there are in a bike. If you count every nut, every bearing, every little spring... There must be a thousand? We put it in our search engine but found nothing. Does anyone know?

Anyway, I should be packing. I'm doing that thing where I flop instead of trawling through my daunting to-do list. Something about the time limit puts me off. Anticipation of tomorrow morning's panicked regret is not incentive enough.

I was glad of the nearly full moon as I quietly cycled home; a paper kite and a glass heart to take on my journey tucked away safely in my panniers with a wodge of notes to savour- I'll ration them for difficult times.

The deep nostalgic sense of all the adventures to come is still with me though I'm back in my barn, the excitement dancing some mad drunken jig on the dull dread of all the lessons I am bound to learn...

Getting a bit deep here, sorry. Can you tell I'm scared?

I think I'll even miss the snails. Never mind CAT (heard described today as 'Disneyland for Environmentalists' - it is!) not to mention the Farm!

The wonderful extended family I am so lucky to have, the ins and outs and social dances of a shared house, bounteous garden... homes don't get much more dynamic and I'm already pining for all the changes that I'm bound to miss.

Sorry. The deep stuff will stop when all I can think about is my acheing legs.

I better get packing! x x x x